Thursday, May 28, 2009


good coffee:
1. portland brew
2. fro mo
(oh man. i'm missing nashville now)
3. seattle's best - my fav

bad coffee:
1. starbucks
(seriously. folgers is better)

currently reading four books:
1. the visitation
2. monster
3. for women only
4. lies women believe and the truth that sets them free
(i know, i know)

recently, i've had this overwhelming desire to go back to oregon. my love and obsession with rain and overcast skies has returned. actually, so much so that this sunny weather we have almost everyday here is driving me nuts. my eyes hurt.

i am putting down my camera...for now. no more shoots - don't email me right now. i'm needing to...more or less...retreat into myself and my God. i kinda don't want to talk to anyone for a while. which it's funny, because it's not like i talk a lot anyway.

Thursday, May 21, 2009


you look so beautiful, it hurts me slightly.

Monday, May 18, 2009


new news:
1. got a job.
2. found out i don't have time for a job...we'll see how that goes.
3. got a 4.0 this semester.
4. will be going to UTSA this summer.
5. mayyyy be going to UNT in denton this fall!
6. major: english/journalism. something of the like.
7. lots of new, good new things. stressful new things. but good new things.
8. but one not-so-good new thing makes all of this seem so insignificant.

conversation between my mom, dad, and lauren:
lauren: i know we can't have a cat because ali is allergic....and it's not her fault, but when is she moving out?
mom: well, i don't know. maybe at the end of the summer.
dad: lauren, even when ali moves out we're not getting a cat. i don't like cats.
lauren: when are you moving out?

come on come on, lets take a chance now
we could fall in love
come on come on, lets take a chance now
we could fall in love

stealing to your window, again
now i say "we could fall in love"
sighing in exasperation,
"no." you say again "this simply is not love"

and i just know that we could work out
even though your royalty and i am not
but there's a chance that you are wrong and
i am right this time

come on come on lets take a chance now
we could fall in love
come on come on lets take a chance now
we could fall in love

thrashing through the fen and dew,
i thought what i wouldn't do for you
stealing hearts of Marsh King's daughters,
well this is something new

and i just know that we could work out
even though your royalty and i am not
but there's a chance that you are wrong
and i am right this time and you are out of line

come on darling run with me, we'll take the bog on foot
we'll be not lost you see, though dark the bog shall be
when we arrive there on our feet you just stay close to me

come on come on lets take a chance now
we could fall in love
come on come on lets take a chance now
we could fall in love

bring the rain and the bring the mire
because we've always been okay
there was this time not too long ago that
you listened to me say

come on come on lets take a chance now
we could fall in love
come on come on lets take a chance now
we could fall in love

God will awaken adam when eve is ready.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009


uhm - someone please get me a baby hound dog. one of my own. how can you resist that?

"one thing i truly knew - knew it in the pit of my stomach, in the center of my bones, knew it from the crown of my head to the soles of my feet, knew it deep in my empty chest...was how love gave someone the power to break you."

i don't know what is happening. and i quite literally walk around gasping for air.

"with shaky legs, ignoring the fact that my action was useless, i followed him into the forest. the evidence of his path had disappeared instantly. there were no footprints, the leaves were still again, but i walked forward without thinking. i could not do anything else. i had to keep moving. if i stopped looking for him, it was over. love, life, meaning...over."

where you are is the right place for me.

Friday, May 8, 2009


how come Ric Rac Clothing is so expensive (apart from the fact that their pieces are unique and beautiful)?

tegan and sara - yes
lykke li - yes
debussy (even before twilight, ok!) - yes
bumble and bumble seaweed shampoo - yes
chanel chance - yes
disney's the kid - yes
arrested development - yes
I35 - no

trent tells me i'm fragile. i would like to argue that statement, but the bruises that cover my legs lost that battle. oh, this week i fell twice...all the way to the ground...face plant. ouch.

*pain isn't optional, but misery is.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


i had the most incredible cheesecake and chocolate swirl brownies tonight. they were so good i had to create a whole post just to tell y'all about them. oh, and starting now i only drink water (lots of), coffee, and tea. that's it.


my must have fashion list for the spring/summer (on a budget):

1. football pants! so versatile. really. they can be cute. promise.
2. american apparel strapless body suits. last year i got about 987523 of them (mayyybe an exaggeration) and they are magical. wear them with anything. and don't judge the bodysuit until you wear one. no tucking required.
3. american apparel black (and only black) mesh bodysuit. can be difficult to wear, but meagan proctor and i discovered some cute styles last summer with them.
4. biker shorts. er...i guess that's what they are called (i have no athletic cred. trent would be embarrassed. ha.) - those short leggings. in black. they have to be the short ones. too hot otherwise.
5. long tank tops.
6. vests. structured (still looking for one) and long, cotton ones.
7. white linen shorts.
8. button-up, collared shirts. roll up dem sleeves!
9. the v-neck.
10. tiered skirts. and always the classic black skirt.
11. gladiator sandals.
12. baseball shirts.
13. ruffled tank tops (check target).
14. wide leg jeans.
15. big belts.

even though i do think it's stylish and cute - i'm trying very hard to not look like i covered myself in glue and rolled around in urban outfitters or american apparel.

there's what's in my closet this season (minus the football pants and structured vest...i can't find the ones i'm after). all affordable. not much. mix and match-able.

Monday, May 4, 2009


look at me - another post!

i do not, not, not want to offend anyone. and nothing i'm going to say is directed at any person (i hate how you have to preface so much with that nowadays).

1. nothing would please me more than to never have to deal with texas tech university ever again. i went there and it sucked. my adviser never advised me. no one was ever helpful. i did not have a good academic experience there. and it us unacceptable to take almost THREE MONTHS to send a transcript. seriously, tech? because of them and their inability to get things done - i may not get into UTSA. the deadline was may 1st. i requested transcripts to be sent from TTU to UTSA in march. UTSA said that even though i did everything i was supposed to, if TTU didn't send the transcript by the deadline...i can't get in. dear tech, if that's true...get ready for a very angry lady and her parents. this is the forth time i've requested transcripts from them. each time took a ridiculous amount of time to come in. it's a good school - i just didn't have a good experience.
2. i have friends with tattoos and facial piercings, so don't think that i'm judging the person at all - but i simply think they take away from people's beauty. my eyes immediately go to the metal on someone's face - even if they have the most beautiful eyes, i don't notice them right off. i used to want some tattoos and i'm glad i was too chicken to go through with it. not that i necessarily disagree with tattoos or piercings (i think it depends on who gives them to you) - they just aren't for me.
3. i've been adding cinnamon to my coffee. yumm...
4. i don't think i'm a bad photographer, but i don't think i'm good either. i look at some people's photos and i'll think "yeah, i'm not bad at all" (ha) and i'll look at other people's photos and i won't even be able to call myself a photographer, much less a good one. i know they style of photographs i'm going for and i don't know how to get there except to just practice and take lots of pictures. but since i've moved to san antonio - i don't know anyone here to take pictures of. i'm in a creative rut and i want to get out, i just don't have the means to do so right now.
5. some photogs i admire:
tec petaja (if i ever get married he WILL be taking my photos. i love how his work doesn't look over processed. it's very clean).
allister ann (she takes the most simple things and shows their deepest beauty).
keaton andrew (i think his photos are very versitile. they're pretty, they're edgy, and they're unique...which is very hard to be).
joy newell (breath of life. literally. she's so young and she's so talented. i don't have words to express how her photos make me feel. i want her to take my photograph).
lara jade (very avante garde. she belongs in a magazine. another young talented lady).
lauren stonestreet (my soul sister. constantly growing. always impressing me. you must take the time to look at her africa pictures).
6. sometimes i miss my bangs, but i'm determined to grow them out!!
7. i need a nice part time job. or more photoshoots. help a sister out, please?

Sunday, May 3, 2009


sometimes i'm real motivated to keep this, but most of the time i don't think twice about it. here are some ramblings and things going on in my head and in my heart:

(list usual...i'm a list maker)

1. tax return came in. more than i thought. hooray for being a dependent. i have, however, had a strangely hard time purchasing anything other than gas and the necessities with it. i'm trying to convince myself that i need to be responsible with it. and i can't justify spending $50 on a top, no matter how much i like it. so this spring/summer i will not be able to call myself a trendsetter. how sad. growing up can be a drag.

2. i'm clumsy and have a low self esteem. used to, i was okay with this. now i'm not. my legs are covered in bruises from the countless falls and trips i take. my boyfriend tells me i need to be more careful and be aware of my surroundings. it's easy when he's here - he just carries me everywhere. he doesn't let me fall, but when he's gone...well...then he's gone. and i don't like that. my low self esteem is also something i've been working on. except i really don't know how to work on it. i do little things like not allowing myself to look through magazines or other people's myspace/facebook pictures because i always get down on myself. but lately that just isn't enough. i pray about it. my identity is in Christ. but who and what does He want me to be? so if anyone has a suggestion on how to work on low self esteem...please let me know.

3. in America - about 200 people out of 300 million have swine flu. i'm not sure how this constitutes as an epidemic. but good news texas - 23 million of us don't have it.

4. i think it's much easier to love someone than to like someone. i really struggle with liking many people.

5. there are a lot of wonderful people in my life. i'm blessed.